“The experiment as you describe it cannot be valid,” I said.

Elija and Tenkai were ready to argue. “Why not?” said Elija.

“Simple,” I answered. “You can’t use a cat,”

They turned away, disgusted. Tenkai said, “ Mr. Animal Rights Activist. Lighten up! It’s just a thought experiment. I haven’t actually killed a cat in days!”

“No wait,” I said. “The experiment is not valid because of the cat. Cats are inherently mystical. If you use a cat, the results could be skewed. The cat would sense the threat and protect itself.”

“Yeah, right,” Cassandra joined in, sarcastically “What’s it going to do, teleport?”

“Exactly,” I said, returning to the worship of my fine mug of ale. “Don’t make me prove it.”

The challenge hung in the air. I had everyone’s attention now. I ignored the noise and raised my mug. The warm bar light passed through the divine amber liquid.

“Fifty bucks,” said Tim. “Prove it.”

“You know I don’t do bar bets,” I said. “Keep your money, but I will prove it.” I reached into my backpack and brought out two identical boxes.  “I won’t even need a real cat. Mack?” I said, turning to the bartender. “Can I borrow Beany for a minute? I won’t hurt him.” Reluctantly, Mack turned and picked up a floppy stuffed cat from the back bar.

“You promise you won’t hurt him?” he asked.

“Hey, Mack, Have I ever lied to you?”

“You promise you won’t hurt him?” he asked again, holding the toy gently, just out of my reach.

Mack can be a dangerous man, but he’s not mean and can get real sentimental. He’s not a large man, but you can tell right away, don’t mess with him. Because of Mack, patrons in McEntire’s Bar tend to be well behaved. Someday I need to get the story behind that stuffed cat.

Serious for a moment, I answered, “I Promise I won’t hurt him.”

Slowly he placed the cat on the bar in front of me, between the two boxes. I opened both boxes: empty. I said, “OK, someone choose. Box on the left or box on the right?

Cassandra spoke up. “On the Right.”

I placed Beany in the chosen box and then closed them both. I turned to Mack again. Like a surgeon requesting tools I said, “Hammer,”  and like a good lab assistant, Mack slapped the tool into my palm.

“OW!” I said.

Before he released the hammer Mack looked into my eyes, “Don’t hurt him,” he said.

Slowly – and respectfully – I leaned back, handed the hammer to Tenkai and said, “OK, pretend that you are going to smash the box.” Tim took the hammer from me, looked at Mack and slowly raised the hammer, but before he could strike, I covered both boxes with my arms and hugged them to my chest protectively.

“Wait,” I said. “All you have to do is threaten him.”

“What do you mean?” said Cassandra.

I didn’t answer. I peeled the tape off the first box, the one on the right, and without a word, I opened it.

Empty.

“Where is he?” Mack asked quietly.

Again, I didn’t answer. I peeled the tape from the other box and there he was, in the other box, across the empty space.

Mack snatched him up. Tenderly, he returned Beany to his special place on the back bar.

“See that?” I said. “Even a stuffed cat. Unpredictable results. Invalid experiment.”

Everyone was silent.

“Mack,” I said. “Another ale, please.”